How political divides are putting more pressure on Australian couples
Erin Rolandsen and her husband have worked through political differences. (Supplied: Erin Rolandsen)
When Erin Rolandsen signed up for online dating, she set a filter to only search for men who identify as left-wing.
It wasn't long before her future husband popped up in her messages.
They were deep into dating before she realised he hadn't nominated his political preferences on his profile.
And some of his views were, in fact, quite different to her own.
"We'd had discussions about current affairs, and I always thought he had very good opinions," she said.
"But it wasn't until significantly later that I realised he actually really loved political leaders that I despised."
Erin Rolandsen met her husband through online dating. (Supplied: Erin Rolandsen)
Reeling from this revelation but "in too deep", Erin had an epiphany one day during her commute — to work through their differences, she imagined the two of them riding on a bus together.
"He's looking out the right side and telling me what he sees, and I'm looking out the left side and telling him what I see," she said.
"Understanding both perspectives helps us understand our landscape better.
"What matters is that we remind ourselves that we are on the same bus and headed in the same direction."
Politics impacting more relationships
Political differences are increasingly impacting our relationships, according to the latest national data.
Relationships Australia says the number of couples struggling because of differing values and beliefs — including political views — has almost doubled in just two years.
More Australian relationships are being impacted by political differences. (Unsplash: Priscilla Du Preez)
Its 2024 national survey revealed roughly a quarter of Australians said this was a major stress for their relationship — and experts say anecdotally, it is only getting worse.
The service's national executive officer Nick Tebbey says people are becoming increasingly resolute and "in tune" with their beliefs, and this is causing more conflict.
"The online community has given us permission to quickly block a person or unfollow a person if we don't like what they're saying," he said.
"But you can't suddenly stop talking to your partner of 10 years."
'That creates a splinter'
Ben has dated several women on the other side of the political divide.
The 21-year-old, who has asked to change his name for anonymity, describes himself as "centre-right".
He said while political differences can be challenging, they are also a blessing.
"But both people must be open minded to each other's points of view," he said.
"Most of the time you both want the same outcome and just disagree on the process to get there."
More Australian couples say they are struggling because of different values and beliefs. (Unsplash: Pat Ferranco)
Ben believes biased mainstream media outlets are contributing to increasing strain between couples — but he said online algorithms were the biggest culprit.
"You only see far right and far left content. And if that's all you see, then that's what most people who don't do their due diligence will just believe," he said.
"That creates a splinter in the relationship."
Online algorithms a major driver
Mr Tebbey agreed online algorithms were a major driver of this shift, creating an echo chamber that feeds consumers more of the same content.
"That leads to an inability to see something from a different perspective, because I've had so much confirmation that my perspective is the right perspective," he said.
Nick Tebbey says more Australian couples are struggling with political differences. (Supplied.)
A growing number of Australians are also opting to get their news — often heavily biased commentary or disinformation — from social media.
"They're accepting what they're reading online, as true as fact, without necessarily understanding that there could be a whole lot of different opinion and sometimes ulterior motives behind it," he said.
Mr Tebbey said some couples were now refusing to discuss politics entirely because of their differences.
Others are continuing to talk about it, but swiftly spiralling into arguments or miscommunication.
These clashes can have a "domino effect", Mr Tebbey said, triggering fears about other issues such as roles in the household or how to raise children.
'This doesn't have to be the end'
Mr Tebbey said in some cases, breaking up may be the best option — but it's not always the first response.
"This doesn't have to be the end of a relationship,"he said.
He advised couples to set ground rules around future political discussions to ensure they are open and respectful.
"For instance — we will hear each other out and try to see things from the other's perspective without immediately minimising or ridiculing the other person for the beliefs they have," Mr Tebbey said.
"That isn't easy, because we get built up in our own beliefs that we're right and everyone else must therefore be wrong."
He also recommended couples seek support and counselling.
"This is an issue that's affecting a lot of people," he said.
"You're not alone."