How to talk to your kids about the Bondi Beach shooting

It is difficult enough to process news of the Bondi Beach shooting as an adult, but how do you even begin to explain it to a child?

Fifteen people, including a child, have been killed in the terror attack.

This is what three psychologists say about how to talk with your kids about it.

'Be proactive'

Carly Dober, a psychologist and policy coordinator at the Australian Association of Psychologists, says given the "scale and extreme nature of this attack … it's really important to be proactive and approach your children first".

Whether it's from their friends or overhearing adults, Ms Dober says "it's highly likely that children are going to be hearing or seeing this in some way".

"I don't think you have to tell them everything and I would actually argue it's probably not necessary."

But Ms Dober says it's important to establish open communication as parents and if your child is hearing things from elsewhere, they might be really scared.

"Getting in there first can help to allay any concerns that they might have."

Clinical psychologist Katie Wood agrees it can help for parents to "be pre-emptive".

An associate professor at Swinburne University, Dr Wood says it's important not to avoid the conversation entirely and to "be open and available and willing".

"Children will dip in and out of those conversations and sometimes they'll come up when you're least expecting it."

Because of shared cultural identity or geographic proximity, the impact will be far greater for some kids, Dr Wood says.

How to explain a terror attack to kids

Ms Dober says to "keep it very simple" and stick to age-appropriate information.

It could be as simple as "something really awful and sad happened in Bondi on the beach. A lot of people were hurt and the two people that did it were caught. You are safe. People are safe now. But, you might be hearing some things over the next couple of days or weeks. If you do, please come and talk to me about it or ask me any questions that you might have".

This style of explanation is probably best suited for primary-school-aged children and more details may be appropriate if you're speaking with a teenager, she says.

Ms Dober says establishing a "sense of calm and safety" is important.

Dr Wood says it comes down to understanding how much your child can navigate, based on their emotional intelligence, cognitive capacity and what is developmentally appropriate.

Keeping it "pitched at that level" might mean keeping comments very general and it might also be more than one conversation, she says.

Should you use words like 'terrorism' and 'antisemitism'?

Dr Wood recommends "taking the complexity out of the conversation" when speaking with a child.

These are views and actions even adults struggle to understand and a "younger child, even an adolescent, is going to struggle to understand those complexities", she says.

Zena Burgess, CEO at the Australian Psychological Society, agrees and says talking in general terms is probably better.

"Your objective is not to make your child aware of the news of the day, it's to make them feel safe and secure within their social unit".

She recommends starting the conversation very generally. Then "watch your child's response and go from there".

Ms Dober says you should let your child guide you, but remember that some information could be "inappropriate for their developmental level and might make them more scared".

For example, if your child is not already familiar with the concept of terrorism, it might not be the time to explain it.

They might not "have the framework to understand that these incidents are quite rare in Australia", she says.

If you're speaking to a teenager, it could be appropriate in some contexts, but first ensure you have a "firm understanding of what these terms mean".

Questions about safety

Ms Dober says kids tend to have a lot of the same questions as adults and "we don't have the answers for many of them".

They include: "How were [people] hurt? Am I safe? Is my school safe? Are we safe? Will this happen again? Why did they do it?"

"Don't feel like you have to answer all of them", Ms Dober says.

You can say "I don't know" and emphasise that "you are safe, [and] everything is OK", she says.

Dr Burgess says kids can "pick up really quickly if you've been disingenuous" and being honest is important.

"There are some answers that we just don't have … so be prepared for that."

Dr Wood says "sometimes children won't know what to ask or say in the immediate aftermath, it's only later on that they'll have questions".

This is why it's important to check in and ask if they have any questions, she says.

'Limit TV and background radio'

Ms Dober says you should consider limiting TV and background radio where possible.

"This is such a high-profile story that it will probably be repeated often and … we don't want to continuously expose them to [it]."

Dr Burgess and Dr Wood also agree with monitoring and minimising exposure.

Dr Wood says media coverage will also create more questions for kids.

Otherwise, Dr Wood recommends "[keeping] their world as normal as possible" by following your ordinary routines.