As a newly single mum, I am redefining Christmas with my kids

This Christmas will be the second Catherine celebrates as a single mum.

But it's the first she will wake up without her son in the home, where she would usually watch him excitedly tear into presents.

The 54-year-old and her son's dad separated last year, and now take turns spending the holiday with their young teen.

Catherine, who asked we don't use her real name, says she will miss having him with her, but is focusing on redefining Christmas.

"I'm trying to not keep it so attached to that one day, and trying to keep some of our traditions going," Catherine, from south-east Queensland says.

"But it's not easy."

We spoke with Catherine, who also has an adult daughter, about how she's preparing to spend her first Christmas morning without her son, and what she learnt last year, celebrating as a newly single mum.

These are her words.

I was doing it all on my own

Christmas previously was always really busy.

We'd be juggling seeing both sides of the family, me preparing food, and the lead-up was me buying and wrapping all the presents.

The good memories are times with extended family, unwrapping presents, swimming in the pool, eating all day and playing games.

Looking back on it though, I realised I was doing it all on my own.

Not much has changed in that regard. The upside is that I'm doing it all still but without the resentment.

The downside is time away from my son and him not having the time with my extended family.

So, it's having them adjust their plans so that we can all make the most of our entire time together.

I felt like I'd let my kids down

Last year was the first Christmas since we had separated, and I had our son for the morning before handover at 1pm.

My lawyer had said many times that Christmas can be any day, but it didn't feel like Christmas at all.

Usually, we spend it with extended family, but they were away, so it was just me and my daughter for the rest of the time.

I remember feeling incredibly anxious leading up to it. Everything was new — where we were living, having shared parenting arrangements, having my son staying away, all my extended family being away.

As soon as I knew I wouldn't have much time with my son on Christmas Day, I sobbed.

On the actual day was mixed emotions. Of course I was sad. I was also stressing about what my son would be doing — was he enjoying himself, was he missing us?

I just felt like I'd let them both down.

But there was also some relief that there wasn't the usual stress. The running around to all the events, doing lots of cooking and cleaning, and wondering what argument or how many arguments would erupt.

My daughter and I ended up having a really lovely day, but I missed my son terribly.

Treasuring the time I do have

This time I'm working right up until 5pm Christmas Eve as a distraction, as my son will already be with his dad then.

I get him on Christmas afternoon, so I'm trying to work out when I do our traditions. It's a bit tricky.

Even though my son no longer believes in Santa, the excitement of waking up and him seeing his presents is something I will miss.

We normally have a big breakfast, so my daughter has booked for us to go out for brekkie at the crack of dawn, so we are kept busy.

I will spend the day probably preparing food to take to my sister's place for Christmas dinner.

Everything is new, and I'm just trying to make it as fun as possible.

My own happiness is creeping back, the kids are less stressed because they aren't in a stressful environment.

I just have to treasure the time I've got with my kids, and make the most of it.

They say you only have 18 seasons with your kids, so I want to make the remaining seasons the best ones possible.

Last Christmas I had a big cry after my son left but then turned my focus on to making the day better.

This Christmas I'm hoping I'll be too busy to have a cry, but will be absolutely making the most of the time we are all together as our little family.