Is it ever OK to leave a party or social event without saying goodbye?
Regardless of our intentions, leaving a party or social gathering without saying goodbye can be interpreted as rude. (Pexels)
Leaving a party or social event without saying a proper farewell is something most of us have probably done at some point.
Whether it's to avoid long and drawn-out goodbyes, not wanting to interrupt the hosts, or because our social batteries are empty, leaving a gathering abruptly — sometimes referred to as an "Irish goodbye" or "French exit" — can often seem like the easiest way to make a quick getaway.
But regardless of our intentions, "ghosting" a party or get-together can sometimes be perceived as rude.
We asked two experts about the etiquette of leaving a social gathering without notice and the best approaches to take if you ever do need to depart suddenly.
What is the most polite way to leave a party?
Whenever possible, you should always say goodbye to the host of a party and thank them for having you, according to Zarife Hardy, an etiquette coach and educator from the Australian School of Etiquette, based in Sydney, on the traditional lands of the Gadigal people.
"A quick thank you very much for a great [party], I've had a wonderful time and appreciate your hospitality" will suffice, Ms Hardy says.
Zarife Hardy says you should thank the host for having you and say goodbye when leaving a party. (Supplied)
From an etiquette perspective, Ms Hardy says it's rarely appropriate to leave a party unannounced.
"Leaving without saying goodbye to the host can come across as rude," she says.
If you're not comfortable doing the full rounds to farewell a party, Trish Purnell, a Gold Coast-based clinical psychologist and relationships counsellor, agrees that it's best to at least say goodbye to the host.
"Then as you're about to step out the door, you can say, 'Bye, everyone; we're off'... It sort of smooths it over a bit."
What if you do have to leave suddenly?
If you do need to leave a party or social gathering suddenly, it's a good idea to send a quick message to a group chat or the host to let them know you have left.
"Sending a quick group text saying, 'Sorry, guys, my Uber turned up, I had to go in a hurry, didn't get to say goodbye. Loved the evening, see you next year' … That would probably be perfectly acceptable, and it would smooth over any potentially hurt feelings," Ms Purnell-Webb suggests.
Ms Hardy agrees and says you should do so "preferably as soon as you've left".
"I also recommend letting the host know in advance if you're unable to stay for the full event. This makes your exit smoother and avoids any awkwardness."
Social expectations can vary depending on the event
If you are at a work Christmas party or social event, Ms Hardy says it is not as necessary to let everyone know you're leaving.
"In corporate environments, if there isn't a designated host, you only need to say goodbye to the colleagues you arrived with," she says.
"However, at smaller work events, you should always make a point of thanking and saying goodbye to the person or people who invited you or who are running the event."
It is appropriate to shake someone's hand when saying goodbye at a work-related event, but the conventions can vary in different social settings.
Ms Hardy adds that "in more social or family settings, a hug or a kiss on the cheek is perfectly suitable".
Be mindful of other people's differences and boundaries
Our relationships with friends and family are underpinned by social conventions we have become accustomed to.
"If you're in a group of people you know, like your family group, then you probably already have some established norms in that group for how to greet each other and how we say goodbye," Ms Purnell Webb says.
"I know in my own family group, there are people with different levels of neurodiversity, who have different comfort levels when it comes to physical closeness or even emotional closeness."
If we are socialising with people we are not well acquainted with, it's important to consider what their "level of comfortability" might be in different social settings.
"Now, if they suddenly leave and you don't know them well, the idea would be to give them the benefit of the doubt," Ms Purnell-Webb says.
"They didn't do it to be rude; they did it because that was what they were comfortable with — or less uncomfortable with."
If you have perhaps overdone the refreshments, Ms Hardy says "it's best to leave quietly rather than engage in a long goodbye, and a brief and polite farewell is enough".
She says we never truly know why someone may have had to make a quick exit, but "if you're the person who had to leave suddenly, it's important to do the right thing and send a brief explanation or an apology the next day".
"It shows respect."