The rules I use to combat loneliness while living alone

I naively made the decision to pay rent by myself amid the cost-of-living crisis. Not my smartest move.

And while I stress about how expensive this all is, I have surprisingly found my bleak financial future is nothing compared to a more intimidating foe: loneliness.

I always considered myself to be introverted, preferring to stay indoors instead of out in the world, which is what inspired me to move out on my own in the first place.

I loved living alone at the beginning, because it meant I could decorate my place however I wanted and get a real taste of independence after landing my first "big girl job".

But by the end of the second year living alone, the higher cost of living and living pay to pay started taking a real toll on my social life.

I found it easier and cheaper to just stay home, and without roommates or family there was no organic opportunity for chats and interactions.

I realised that I needed to be disciplined and create structure for myself to make the most out of living solo.

So I have created a loose set of "rules" that I follow to feel less lonely.

Be the host

Before I moved out by myself, seeing my friends involved checking out trendy restaurants and hitting up the assortment of expensive bars found in Melbourne/Naarm.

Hosting at my place means that we all get to spend less money, and I can tailor the night to our tastes.

I love to treat my movie-loving mates to a night dedicated to watching films from genres they are into. With friends who love to cook, we do pot-luck meals. And I indulge in some healthy bouts of scrapbooking with my more craft-inclined pals.

Have a hobby

I wish I could go back in time and tell my past self to pick up a hands-on hobby much earlier than I did.

Keeping my mind occupied, especially when spending a lot of time indoors, is so beneficial.

Scrapbooking gives me something to do instead of absent-mindedly playing same YouTube videos on repeat, having my mind shift into the scary territory of existential fear or comparing myself to people on social media.

Leave the house regularly

Because I work from home I don't get the automatic separation of home time and work time, the social aspect of a workplace, or the commute to make me leave home and get some fresh air and exercise.

I have to put in some extra effort to get those things.

I try to hop down to the nearest cafe close or — if the weather allows — the nearby park, work laptop in tow, so I can experience a change of scenery, people-watch and feel connected and part of the world.

Don't cancel plans — even if I really want to

My habit of cancelling last-minute was at its highest during my first two years of living alone, and it's been my goal ever since to resist the underlying urge to stay home.

I've found that social anxiety jitters are nothing compared to the unquenchable dread of FOMO or the isolation I create for myself when I do cancel.

My chronic cancelling habits also almost cost me friendships with some of my closest pals. So now I make plans and I do my absolute best to keep them — which has, so far, been a net positive.

It gets me out of the house, I see my favourite people, and I've obtained an appreciation for exploring parts of my city with friends both new and old.

Going to things alone was something that I wouldn't have had the guts to do before I started living solo, but now I do. And because it forces me to actually strike up conversations, I've become closer to folks that I'm not sure if I would have before.

(The Sims will still be waiting for me when I get home.)

Have other living creatures around

When my parents moved overseas and my brother moved out, the family cat became my responsibility.

Having another living thing pester me for food and wake me up at four AM surprisingly provided a much-needed break from solitude and a certain routine I had to stick to. 

Since he passed last year I've felt the familiar sting of loneliness creep back into my life.

While they are not quite the same level of company, my plants do give me something to care for, to keep alive and to share my space with.

I won't lie and say that I'm an exceptionally talented green-thumb, since I mostly just provide sunlight, water, and the occasional bit of plant food, but I do my best.

And taking care of plants keeps me active and adds structure to my quieter days.

Living alone is a mixed bag

These "rules" help me to stay on track and make living alone easier, but there are days where I'm not sure how much longer I can endure any more financial insecurity and solitude.

Independence is great, but so is camaraderie (and a full wallet).

I might look back into sharing a new flat with housemates one day, but I'll continue to relish my independence for as long as I can.

Eleanor Burnard (she/her) is a writer and journalist living in Naarm/Melbourne.